


the whole 'gay' thing

by novoaa1



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters
Genre: Banter, Bowser Simmons is so Done, Discussions of sexuality, Gen, Post-Episode: s01e10 Something Sour Patch, Post-Season/Series 01 Finale, Season/Series 01 Spoilers, Sibling Banter, Slice of Life, Stakeout, Team as Family, idk what this is honestly, sterling and blair being literally insufferable in the best way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25963510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novoaa1/pseuds/novoaa1
Summary: “What are you, homophobic or something?”“Wh—I’mgay, Blair. How can I be homophobic if I’m gay?”“It doesn’t make youexempt, idiot.” With that, Blair turns to Bowser. “You can be homophobic even if you’re gay, right?”Bowser shifts in his seat to glare back and forth between the two of them in livid silence before finally saying, “I don’t know, and I don’tcare.”“Homophobic,” Blair mumbles.Or: Blair and Sterling discuss the logistics of lesbianism (much to Bowser's chagrin).
Relationships: Blair Wesley & Sterling Wesley, Blair Wesley & Sterling Wesley & Bowser Simmons
Comments: 10
Kudos: 231





	the whole 'gay' thing

**Author's Note:**

> idk what the fuck this is dude
> 
> i binged all of season 1 in less than a day and i havent slept in almost 24 hours and i've had a lot of caffeine and idk. season 1 slapped, okay? the relationship between sterling and blair and bowser has me in my FEELINGS

“Sometimes, a family can be two sisters—"

“ _Half_ -sisters,” Sterling corrects from the backseat of Bowser’s SUV, unable to keep a note of bitterness from her tone. 

“—and a grumpy yogurt shop owner—"

Bowser levels Blair with an impressive glower that she (to the surprise of exactly no one) fastidiously ignores.

“—kicking ass and taking names and crashing super fancy dinners at the literal mansion owned by our county’s first African-American female senator—"

“OhmyGod,” Sterling gasps, leaning forward and whacking Blair in the shoulder (which immediately has her not-quite-twin yelping loudly in protest). “Is _that_ where you were?”

“Uh, yeah! _You’re_ the one who told me I should go get my girl. Or, man—boy! Boy.”

“Well, yeah, but barging in on family dinner _uninvited_ ?” Sterling adjusts the strap of her purse over her shoulder, flashing Blair a _look_. "That seems a little… risqué, even for you.”

“Yeah, okay, _Ellen_.”

Sterling squints at her. “What?”

“DeGeneres,” Blair says, like it should be obvious. 

_Huh_ ? Sterling squints at her a little harder. 

Blair heaves a dramatic sigh, throwing her hands up in an exasperated motion, like _Sterling’s_ the one that’s not making any sense right now. “Look, she’s the only lesbian I know, okay?”

“It’s just—"

“Confusing?"

“Yeah! ‘Cause—"

“Ellen from Fellowship."

Sterling nods earnestly. “Exactly!” 

“I guess this means I need to do some more research,” Blair huffs, crossing her arms. 

“On what, exactly?”

“Lesbians!”

“But I’m not a lesbian.”

“Lady lover?”

“Ew, no.”

“Scissor sister?”

“I’m not having the 'scissoring' conversation again."

“How about ‘rug muncher’?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s offensive.”

“Is it?”

“I—" Sterling stops herself abruptly, pushing her lips out in a thoughtful pout. She thinks she hears Bowser grumble something under his breath from the driver’s seat that sounds a heck of a lot like ‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ but she’s a little too preoccupied with the topic at hand to examine it any further. “Maybe? I think it’s only bad if you’re straight and you say it.”

Blair frowns, turning fully to face her and mirroring her contemplative pout. “Are you sure?”

“Not really,” Sterling admits. "Honestly, this whole ‘gay’ thing is super new to me.”

“Well, damn, how do you think _I_ feel?”

“But you’re not gay.”

“You don’t know that!”

Sterling blanches at that. “ _What_ ?!”

“What?”

“You _are_ ?!"

“I—No! Probably not? I don’t know, okay!”

“But what about the mind-blowing orgasmic sex with Miles?”

“Well, you said you like boys _and_ girls, right? What if it’s the same for me?”

“Oh. Yeah, I suppose.”

“What do you mean, you 'suppose’?!”

“Huh? Nothing! Just that it’s possible, like you said.”

“No, you had a tone.”

“There was no tone, B.”

“There totally was,” Blair argues back vehemently. “What’s the matter? Do you _not_ want me to be gay?”

“No, it’s not that—"

“What are you, homophobic or something?”

“Wh—I’m _gay_ , Blair. How can I be homophobic if I’m gay?”

“It doesn’t make you _exempt_ , idiot.” With that, Blair turns to Bowser. “You can be homophobic even if you’re gay, right?”

Bowser shifts in his seat to glare back and forth between the two of them in livid silence before finally saying, “I don’t know, and I don’t _care_.”

“Homophobic,” Blair mumbles.

Bowser ignores her. “Can we _please_ just focus on the skip?”

Blair rolls her eyes, but nonetheless turns back around in the passenger’s seat to once again place eyes on the seedy motel before them. “Fine."

Sterling heaves out a relieved sigh at having avoided the topic for the time being, letting her body sag completely boneless back against the threadbare backseat cushions. 

Barely a minute passes before, “Wait a second, does this mean I need to buy you a _strap-on_ for our next birthday?”

“Oh, my _God_ , Blair!”

— —

**Author's Note:**

> bro i Need a season 2 of this shit
> 
> also i literally had to look up how to spell ellen's last name for this lsdkjflsdkjf
> 
> (my [tumblr](https://psyches.co.vu/) or just search me up @ultralightdumbass to come talk to me there!)


End file.
